Reading Kazoofus inspired Michelle. Could it inspire you too?

26 03 2009

If you happen to read Kazoofus…oh what am I saying.!?!?!   That is cuhraaaazee talk!  IF you happen to read it? Pish. Everyone reads Kazoofus. Lets try again…

When you read How to be single and not go totally effing mad on Kazoofus you were probably WILDLY inspired to make sweeping changes to your life as a single person. And if you are in a relationship you probably yawned, rolled your eyes and asked yourself why you keep reading this drivel.

Well have no fear, my friends. Michelle has come to your rescue with her spin on that post.

I now present to you (courtesy of Michelle)…drum roll…

What Married Women Should Do:

  1. Learn to actually make the time to ENJOY quiet moments with yourself. Whether you use the time to read, knit, watch movies, exercise, nap, clean, watch paint dry or shop it is CRITICAL that you maintain your own interests and take time for your own company from time to time.
  2. Realize that no man, woman or child (or four legged critter for that matter) should ever serve as any sort of distraction from who you really are. A relationship should enhance our lives, not distract us from them.
  3. Take it day by day. Some days it is a breeze to be in a relationship but when you need someone to steady the ladder, open the jar of Ragu or help you with some other task, don’t be afraid to ask. That’s what love is all about – being there for the little things (as well as the big things).
  4. Remember that like attracts like. Think VERY carefully about who (and what) you want to attract.
  5. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with a drunk loser stop enabling his behavior; if he doesn’t change kick him to the curb; a bad relationship does not have to be forever. This is like rocket science but different.
  6. Never wonder if you are too old to be sexy and lovable. These are not attractive traits…not even to your husband.
  7. Find hobbies that you enjoy, not ones that you think you have to do with your husband.
  8. Get involved with professional networks in your industry. You will be amazed at the number of like-minded individuals you will meet. Granted you might already be married but it having interesting friends can’t hurt, can it?
  9. Spend time with your kids/pet/friends/family. My christ! If I had a dime for every time I have seen a woman in a realtionship give up everything for the man she is with I’d be a fucking millionaire.
  10. Don’t get discouraged if you are struggling to keep your marriage happy and interesting. It means you CARE and are not willing to take the easy way out. This is never a bad thing.
  11. Read books, watch movies and spend time with people that inspire and uplift you…this is true married or single!
  12. Regardless of whether or not you feel like it get up off the couch, take a shower, brush you goddamn teeth, get dressed and get moving, and for god sakes PUT ON SOMETHING SEXY. Always wearing your Hello Kitty flannel pajamas is not going to do anything to spark the romance in your marriage.
  13. Inventory your habits and hobbies. Shitcan the ones that aren’t healthy…this is true married or single!
  14. Learn to say no. Just because your husband “really needs something” doesn’t mean you should always have to say yes.
  15. Figure out what your funk-buster is. Mine was scrubbing the tile in the kitchen and dining room with a toothbrush and a bucket of hot water. If the kids were gone I added loud and obnoxious music…this is true married or single!
  16. Safety first, bitches. Never stay in an abusive realtionship. If he hits you leave. If he is verbally abusive, talk about it try to work it out, if he doesn’t change then leave. If he steals your money, leave. If he treats your family badly, yell at him loudly, try to work it out and if he is still an ass leave (if you like your family).